My colleague Luna has always been someone I envy for her seemingly “good fortune”. She’s thriving at work, leading a relaxed and enjoyable life, and has a sweet, stable relationship. I used to think she was just lucky, but after observing her closely and having deep conversations with her, I realized her “good fortune” stems from her strong subjectivity.
What is “Subjectivity”?
Luna rarely makes demands on others, nor does she tie her emotions to anyone else. For instance, she never spirals into anxiety when a friend doesn’t reply to her messages promptly, nor does she doubt her self-worth because of her partner’s occasional oversight.
In contrast, people with weak subjectivity often complain, “Why don’t you notice me?” or “Why are you treating me like this?”. They pin their needs and sense of value entirely on others. But once others fail to meet their expectations, they feel like “the sky is falling” and get trapped in emotional exhaustion.
This kind of emotional over-reliance used to trap me badly. I stumbled across A Guide to the Good Life: The Ancient Art of Stoic Joy while searching for ways to calm my chaotic mindset, and its core Stoic teachings perfectly align with the mindset Luna lives by.
How Luna’s “Subjectivity” Brings Her Good Fortune
From a psychodynamic perspective, Luna’s approach is about rebuilding her sense of self. She shifts her focus from “whether others satisfy me” to “what I can do for myself”.
- When she wants a better material life, she improves her skills and earns income to build her own security, rather than waiting for others to provide for her.
- When she wants to be happy, she cultivates the ability to please herself, never relying on others to “cater to her” for happiness.
This state makes her mentally stable and self-aware. She doesn’t catastrophize over an unread message, nor does she negate her value because of someone’s cold demeanor. The book breaks down this exact mindset: separating what we can control from what we cannot, anchoring our peace inward instead of outward.
My Life Improved When I Followed Her Lead
I started emulating Luna by reducing my demands on others and redirecting my energy toward myself.
- At work, instead of expecting my boss to notice everything, I focused on enhancing my professional skills and proactively sought opportunities. Now, I’m excelling in my projects.
- In my relationship, I stopped treating my partner as an emotional crutch. Instead, I pursued my hobbies and expanded my social circle, which made our relationship more relaxed and sweet.
- In daily life, I began developing self-pleasing habits like reading, exercising, and learning new skills. The sense of fulfillment has made me more confident.
Practicing the inward-focused principles Luna taught me, paired with the gentle, actionable wisdom inside A Guide to the Good Life, completely shifted my daily outlook. I no longer waste energy fixating on other people’s choices or reactions.
I finally understand that the only way to truly live a “good fortune” life is to stop fighting with the world and stop fixating on things beyond your control — build your own “subjectivity”.
If you also envy others’ “good fortune”, try starting with building your “subjectivity”. Shift your focus back to yourself, and you’ll find that you can also become the person others envy. If you want to dive deeper into this grounded, calm life philosophy, head over to Amazon to grab a copy of this timeless read.
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